Mind your Language!

I thought my English was bad... but then I went to college! kind of an eye opener, you see! It made me realize humility is good, but not low self esteem! What I'm trying to say without boasting, (yet pride seems to grace my tone as I say it) is that I realized that my English is way better than what most of my teachers and peers in college speak! (I'm not saying I'm the best!) Haha.... Its fun to watch them err in their poor spirit endeavor to speak good English! Some of those magnificent errors of ignorance compel me to forget the codes of decency and laugh my heart out! And I do too, along with my peers; only when they understand the folly, and that is quite rare! Here's some of those classical mishaps of those poor spirit endeavors..

I was told that while speaking or writing in English, repetition of words is avoided as much as possible. Clearly someone failed to stress on the importance of this, to my physics teacher. I have this classmate of mine who actually counted the number of times he (i.e., the teacher) said the word "now". Turns out it was at a remarkable rate of 173 times in two minutes! There are three things which one might be found doing in his class.. One, where people are trying to grasp the subject between the several nows; two, they might be counting the number of nows he says, and see if he breaks his own record; and three, they might be sleeping-now. Boy! Can you imagine the chaos of laughter that would have broken in class, if he said "Bhow" instead of "now"? I'd like to see that happen once!

Just when I was thinking that my maths teacher spoke good English among all the teachers who taught me, he committed an inappropriate but purely comical mispronunciation; which sent the class into peals of suppressed laughter, lest he too is let in on the joke! We have this chapter called Infinite Series, where we study about different tests named after the mathematicians who put them forth, to determine whether a series is converging or diverging. It so happened that my teacher pronounced 'tests' as 'testes'. So Raabe's Test became his testes, D'Alembert's Test became his testes and guess what, so did Cauchy's!

Well my Civics teacher, who teaches about the constitution of India seems to think that its highly unconstitutional that "a husband takes the wife and throws her in the bin" ...oh sorry... she said "on the road". But no matter, bin or road, the thought that a husband could literally take his wife and throw her somewhere seemed to amuse us all and we were laughing again! And to maintain constitutional order and discipline in the class, she screeched "I'll absent you all!", because she'd "thrown the class out of us" far too many times, that it wasn't considered as a comeuppance! I hope you understood what she was trying to convey; only that she'd mark us as absent, because getting out of class was our main motive, as she realized!

I could go on all day, pointing my finger at the lapses which the others have committed; several other mispronunciations, wrong usage of words et cetera. But I'll stop here...

With all due respect to my teachers (seriously! no sarcasm intended) who know their subject and teach well, but speak English comically, signing off....

speaking! - for a change -

I miss speaking! it has been long since I went on stage and addressed a gathering and I miss that immensely...For some people, the act of addressing a gathering comes naturally. I don't know if I fall into that category, but I always enjoy the prelude before the fugue! meaning that I take extra care and precaution in framing what I have to say before I say it. somewhat on the lines of think before you speak! I enjoy thinking not only about the content of my speech, but also about how I'm going to say it. It's the way that you say it that makes a big difference than what you say! delivering the speech, is the next treat to this whole process. I believe, that the impression you set on your listeners, is dependent on the distance between the dais, and your position prior to the speech. In other words, the walk that you walk must be significantly lasting, to irk your listeners, and plant the challenging seed of curiosity in them.... You see, that walk, is a part of the speech, and has to be conveyed before the verbal deluge. And to be center stage and bask in the spotlight; with all pairs of eyes focused only on you; to enunciate and speak, commanding attention; to bend the audience's minds with your expression... Ooooh.!! The very experience of control makes you swell with exuberance and fills you with a greed for more ears.... But alas, before you know it, you'll have to end your reign of words... the tough part; and leave your listeners wanting to hear more... and walk your walk, away from it all.. while the audience hungrily lauds you...

I miss being a speaker! I miss all the things that go with being one...

writer's strike (back)!

Its been almost an year since I wrote anything! And now suddenly the urge to blog hit me!! You could say that it was a phase when I rather kept everything to myself and divulge nothing to others. But in retrospect, I realize that everything is not worth the privacy. :D

I've never expected public viewing of what I've written earlier. I'd like to tell the few who visit my blog now and then, that you might find something interesting here, in the near future.

Adieu!

english rickshaw

the other day, i was forced to travel by public means. to my level best, i avoid commuting by bus or rickshaws, and use my Dio. its partially because i'll have to indulge in conversation with the rickshaw drivers, if the guy believes in 'talk-more-to-get-tipped-more'. it might be my hubristic perspective, although contrary to my belief, the chat might be purported to promote brotherhood... which would be one of my least concerns. i'm not being arrogant here, but only driving the point that i enjoy being left alone and not spoken to with matters as simple as potholes. with disgruntlement, i hailed a rickshaw, and repeated the monosyllabic name of my destination. priorly, i'd stopped a few others and enquired whether they'd drop me at my destination, for which an incoherent head shake and abrupt departure was what i received. where i was expecting the same 'reply' here also, i was taken by surprise when the driver enquired in english where it was exactly that i wanted to go. now, its rare to find a rickshaw driver who speaks in english and i wanted to commute in that particular rickshaw whether or not he was going my direction. it was my turn of incoherence, and i foolishly pointed my hand in the direction i wanted to go and spoke wrong english. my next surprise was when the driver corrected my english, when i was using 'behind' instead of 'before' for a particular landmark. he agreed to drop me and i got in. our conversation was minimal, and was pertinent on which route i wanted to go through. the thought occured to me to question him as to how he spoke good english. but i realized that it might be offensive to do so and kept the question to myself. on reaching my destination, i gave him a fifty rupee note and requested him to return the change. my fare must have been 27 and odd, and to my surprise he returned the exact change. for once, i didn't have to hear the usual 'change-illa-saar', where those three rupees, although not a big sum, would have been pocketed by the driver.

this incident reminds me of the story 'Pygmalion' by george bernard shaw, or the movie 'My Fair Lady'. the movie is an adaptation of the novel. it is remarkable, how mastering the english language and learning the etiquettes of society life can change the whole outlook of a person. this is dramatically portrayed by elisa dolittle (audrey hepburn), a poor street florist, who was later on transformed into a fine woman by henry higgins (rex harrison). the story goes that the florist's outlook was changed into a woman of such finess, that she was asked by a prince at an embassy ball for a dance..

of all the rickshaws that i've hailed, i felt glad that i'd hailed one such rickshaw where i could speak english with the driver...

Dining Etiquettes

I'm unsure whether I’m actually in a position to write such a post as this, keeping in mind that my knowledge about etiquettes is not too vast. Nevertheless, these are some of the etiquettes which I've observed are critical at any dinner.

1. At the table, the fork is always placed to the left of the plate, and the spoon on the right. Knives are usually placed on the right, but they're set only if the dinner involves dishes which need cutting. The spreader and the napkin are placed at the left. Cups and saucers are placed on the right, with the handle of the cup facing right.

2. Napkins should only be half opened before being spread on one's lap. It should be strictly noted that napkins are not meant to be used as handkerchiefs, and therefore, should not be employed to cover the mouth while sneezing. It should be made sure that stains are not visible on the napkin. When excusing oneself from the table, the napkin must be placed on the chair, as placing a soiled napkin on the table is considered demeaning. At the end of a dinner, napkins are placed either on the left of the charger plate, if the plates aren't removed, or at the center. They should never be refolded to their original state.

3. Food is always served in the counter clockwise direction, and therefore is passed to the diner on the right. It is considered to be gluttonous to start eating before a minimum of three people are served. The host is served always at the end. When food is being served, it is done by standing behind the diner and always from the diner's right hand side. The drinks are also served in a similar manner.

4. While drinking soup, slurping is indecent. The soup must be collected onto the soup spoon so that it moves away from the diner. Soup must be drunk only from the sides of the spoon, without putting the spoon completely into the mouth. When the last few spoons of the soup remain, the bowl is tilted in the direction opposite to the diner and collected on to the spoon.

5. While eating, the fork is usually held in the right hand, and is conventionally used to convey any solid food from the plate to the mouth. Hands maybe used to eat bread, toast and fruits. The knife is held in the left hand, if the dish has to be cut and severed. While eating with a spoon, the fork maybe used to push the food onto the spoon. Breads are broken into smaller pieces with the fingers before eating. The spreader is held in the left while spreading butter on the bread. It is inappropriate to spread butter on the main piece, or completely on the bread.

6. To make chomping noises while chewing is indecent. Chewing is done with the mouth closed. Food must be eaten in quantities to just fill the mouth. It is unceremonious to stuff food into the mouth. Talking with mouthfuls is strictly not allowed. If something which cannot be swallowed is conveyed into the mouth, it should be removed with a fork from the mouth and placed at a side in the plate.

7. In a five course dinner, the cutlery which is placed at the extremes is supposed to be used first, and the next ones for the subsequent courses. After a course is done, the fork and the spoon, or the fork and knife are placed parallel to one another, at the center of the plate. The fork blades and the spoon must be facing down and the knife is placed such that the serrated edge is facing inwards. When the meal is completed, the cutlery is placed in the same manner, but towards the right side of the charger plate.

I might be wrong at places. Do feel free to correct me. I'd appreciate any change for the good.

un-saturation..

it must be a little too late to word this, but I've done it nevertheless. well, sometimes thinking out loud seems to help a lot. I've heard about good things turning bad, when it was spoken and cherished too much. but i didn't know that it was true the other way round. i remember penning my thoughts earlier that i had taken it too harsh on myself for having lost in a game which wasn't my area of expertise. but the turn of events which occurred after that, strikingly adheres to nature's law of maintaining the balance. yes, i mean that something very antagonistic took place. if you remember, my grumbling was in essence concentrated on my ineptitude at proving myself in something which i was good at.

there were rehearsals for the sports day, in whose selections were my aforementioned miserable defeats. i remember walking towards the guard of honour (having got elected as the assistant co-coordinator for ISC the previous year), with a great feeling of boredom and disinterest. Standing under the hot sun, awaiting further instructions to begin the rehearsals, minutes seemed like hours and i slipped into my usual reverie of thoughts. this time, the thread of thoughts focused the superfluous ceremonial actions which we were to do as captains, without knowing the reasons or the significance. well, i'll not pretend that i didn't enjoy all the attention which i got as a captain, even though i had nothing much to do. the march past took place, and i lead the ISC team, knowing not whether my marching was crisp and stout or slack and sloppy. now, this is what i call as the twist in the turn of events. having walked like a clown with a stiff back holding the flagpole, i was tired and wanted to only rest my aching feet. at that very moment, i was summoned by my headmistress, and asked to compeer for the athletic meet which was to occur the next day! what a surprise!! the fact which I'd like to rub it in, is that the teachers who were the earlier comperes, were removed from the task before it was assigned to me! ah! you must be a speaker, to know what a pride it is, to be chosen over someone much senior to you, to lend your voice! this made my sports day worth attending and much enjoyable! by far, this was the longest that i have ever compeered, having started in the morning and ended in the afternoon. others may have won gold, silver or bronze medals in various athletic events, but i like to say that i did a job which doesn't receive the same crediting. i do not desire any credit, as i consider it a great pleasure to have 'reigned' over the occasion. :D Master Of The Ceremony, indeed! the sorrow of my defeat in sports seemed to have become nullified, as it was with victorious pride that i announced the names of my classmates who had won in several events! victory was mine! as for the march past, one of my classmates lead the ISC team, and perhaps did a better job at it than me!

Yours Unsaturated,

The Master of Ceremonies!

saturation

it is during one of those moments of complete mental and physical exhaustion that one suffers from acute lack of self confidence and self esteem. more so, the case with me. this weird phenomena, seems to occur only when you have faced defeat as the final result of all your efforts. the sports selection for the ISC students of my school was conducted at the local athletics field. you can call me 'non-sportive', as i'm not much into sports, being more of a twerp on the sports arena. nevertheless, i compelled myself to try my hand, or rather i should say, my leg, at every athletic event that was being held. the outcome, which was not unexpected, or not too difficult to guess, was my defeat. agreed that i'm not made of what it takes to be a good runner, or a shot put or javelin thrower. but what puzzles me here, is the reason why i'm taking it so hard on myself, for losing in a field which wasn't my cup of tea in the first place. i'm caught in this reverie of thoughts where my conscious is the master and i, its slave; and as in the usual imagery where the slave is tortured by the master, so am i. bruises and the muscle aches are my only achievements on the sports arena, and they make matters only worse. every move of the hand, or the twitch of the head, seems to cause pain, sneeringly reminding me of my pathetic defeat. it is what i would call, as rubbing salt on wounds. although, here it the wound itself which is rubbing the salt..... sigh....